A Hunky Werewolf in Collinsport

EPISODES 651-656

Vicki is gone and a strange stillness has fallen over Collinwood. Liz's obsession with death is back and Barnabas tries his best to comfort her; but who will comfort Barnabas after the loss of his own obsession? Julia -who else- is there for him to explain how it was not Peter/Jeff's fault but Vicki's own choice to reunite with him. Afterall he was her husband, you know. However Barnabas acts like a (one hundred something years old) child who's just lost a game and will not see reason. Thankfully, there are more pressing matters at hand so he decides to brood some other time. He speculates that Liz's condition has something to do with Cassandra and he couldn't have been more right.

Liz being Liz

Amy and Joe come back from the movies and noticeably absent is Chris. Amy seems to be out of the ghosts' curse and acts like a normal kid again. She says the moon scares her sometimes; I wonder the nature of her connection to her brother. Joe asks if she was joking when she said she saw a star on his face earlier. The answer is no; Joe recoils. After he leaves, Amy runs into Liz coming down the stairs in a trance like state and she walks out the door without a word. Then, she takes aaall the time in the word to tell Barnabas about Liz's strange behaviour. When Barnabas goes upstairs for some reason (probably to pee) before going out to look for Liz, Amy sneaks out and goes after the woman herself. She follows her to the Collins Mausoleum where they have a morbid talk about death and rainbows & stuff that ends with Liz passing out. Luckily, Barnabas has caught up with them; he shoulders the woman, probably thinking she should cut back on pastries.

Meanwhile, Chris is immersed in his own drama and has been trying to reach Julia on the phone only to find out she is more unavailable than Curtains (1983) on DVD. So he pays Collinwood a visit himself and asks for the sleeping pills she promised to give him. After some suspicious eyebrow-raising questioning, she ends up giving him three. Finally back in his hotel, he takes all three in one big gulp but uh-oh, there's a knock on the door! Joe has come to lecture him about neglecting Amy. Chris, feeling the change is close, tells him to leave or else. Woo another penis contest! After Joe leaves bitterly, Chris passes out while turning into the werewolf.

"This house is full of freaks!"

Liz is brought back to the house and promises she won't try to escape again (You're grounded young lady!); she is more concerned about the children now. With Vicki gone and her death is impending, the kids will need a new governess.. TONIGHT! (Bitch please, the kids needed a new governess like two hundred episodes ago. Also, I can just imagine how lost Amy will be without a governess after five full days of being governed). She brainstorms with Barnabas and comes up with the town sweetpie Maggie Evans. Barnabas heads to give her a call but before that he has a heart warming interaction with Amy who cries cause she's afraid of the moon. She's cute as a button and I can just eat her up (And he would too if he were "one of the living dead" still)

Fastest job interview

Joe pays Maggie a visit to say goodbye (cause he'll be leaving Collinsport soon) and make amends with her. They both agree that friendzone is the best option for them right now. Maggie gets the call from Barnabas just when she says something about wanting to change her life completely. Joe drives her up to Collinwood where they hear the sad news about Vicki. A pale "Unbelievable!" is Maggie's response (meh, they haven't been that close recently anyway). Liz explains to her that it is imperative that she starts working tonight (what is she gonna do; teach them algebra at this hour?). Maggie accepts the offer in the end, starting to change her life and making Liz happy in the process. So happy indeed; she dies. But more on that later.

Joe learns to listen to
Amy the hard way

Maggie asks Joe to give her a ride back to her cottage so she can collect some of her stuff (that "friendship" thing is working out well) but Joe offers to bring them himself. Amy, having seen the pentagram on his face again, begs him to stay in Collinwood for the night but who will listen to a little girl, right? When Joe is at Maggie's place, he hears some strange growling noises outside and out of nowhere The Werewolf crashes through the window and attacks him, creating the best action scene of the show so far! He tries to run away but The Werewolf grabs and slashes him to the ground. Just when we think this is the curtains for Joe, he manages to stab the creature with a pair of scissors, making it leave the house with its tail between its legs -if you'll pardon the pun. When Joe fails to come back, Maggie gets worried and sends Barnabas to check on her boyfriend. Barnabas finds Joe a bloody wreck in the Evans cottage; also a wreck. He decides to bring him up to Julia's care at Collinwood whereas the regular Collinsport hospital with regular doctors is also very available, not to mention closer.

Global Warming Explained!

His arrival in Collinwood looking like a chewed up and spat out dog food cause some panic but at least Amy is not awake to witness the spectacle. In panic, he tells all about what happened but after Julia is done treating his wounds, he changes his story and tells them not to notify the Sheriff. He has his own reasons. And a torn piece of clothing that he grabbed off The Werewolf. Meanwhile, Chris wakes up in his room and notices the place looks like the aftermath of a tornado. The stab apparently didn't effect his human form as we see no mark on his gorgeous naked upper body ahem excuse me. Panicked about what he might have done to Joe, he goes around looking for him when there's no answer on the phone. It is Maggie who breaks him the news when he comes to Collinwood to ask for a stronger medicine, to which Julia says she doesn't know any. Are we surprised? 

Save your bullets, Joe!

Back in his apartment, he finds Joe waiting for him with the piece of his shirt and his shirt with the missing patch in his hands (plus the bandage on his forehead but that's irrelevant). The puzzle has been solved but Joe needs a proper explanation. Chris acts like the gorgeous naked tough hunk he is and orders him to leave. Some pushing and shoving later and when Joe still doesn't wanna leave, Chris' transformation begins. He tells Joe to take his gun from the drawer and shoot him. He also doesn't forget to throw some sarcastic comments in the sense of "See, this is why I left town" in the mix (Shut up and strip!). When the man is gone and the wolf has taken over, Joe shoots it a couple of times but no effect. He just gets up and lunges at the camera Joe.

An inappropriate kidnap attempt

Saved by the camera, Joe has managed to escape The Werewolf and made his way into Collinwood, up to Amy's room. He starts packing her stuff and she wakes up wondering what the heck is a crazy man doing in her room in the middle of the night? Joe, indeed, looks and acts like a crazy man after what he saw at Chris' (well, he was warned that he'd regret it). He is intent on saving Amy from the curse that effected both of her brothers by taking her away from this town. At first, she goes along with Joe's plan but after seeing how messed up he acts (seriously, taken out of context that scene would be a disturbing portrayal of child abuse; It made me go "What the hell?"), she starts to fight. Joe kidnaps her by force without being seen by anyone in the house.

Unaware of the situation, Carolyn -who is back from one of her famous trips to who knows where- and Julia have been discussing Vicki's disappearance and Liz's condition. Although sadder about Vicki than Maggie was, Carolyn seems more concerned for her mother.

Cassandra bullies Liz in dreamland

Unaware of any of the situations, Liz has a dream where she finds Amy singing in the woods. Then from behind a tree trunk appears a woman we haven't seen for some time: Cassandra (feat. her awful wig)!!! If it were one of her better days, Liz would have slapped the witch out of the woman but right now, she stands like a helpless kid against her taunting. Cassandra reaches out to touch her (a death touch) but Liz manages to wake up screaming before that happens. Calmed and sedated by Julia and Carolyn, she asks them to check if Amy is alright. They find Amy's room empty and her stuff out in the open, so they suspect that something has happened to her (duh!). Trying to keep it a secret from Liz, they look for the girl all around the house. Softie or not, Liz is still a hard nut to fool. Feeling something's up, she goes to Amy's room and in there she meets her angel of death: Cassandra (feat. her awful wig again)!!! She comes closer and closer..

Pretty (Dead) In Pink

Out in the woods, Amy manages to get out of Joe's inappropriate grip and run back to Collinwood. Joe follows her there but meets with Julia's flared nostrils. He seems to have lost it completely, giggling and mumbling uncontrollably, so Julia gives him a good juicy slap for all of us. The awkwaaard moment is abruptly interrupted by Carolyn's painful howling (Noo, this one ain't a werewolf like the film incarnation). Julia runs upstairs and finds Carolyn crying over her mother's dead body!!!!!!! Julia checks her pulse and confirms it. Liz is dead. But only she isn't. We hear her think "They think I'm dead but I'm not". But she can't move.. just like she said she would be!

It's the day after the big mama's "death" and the mourning David, who has lost the appetite for mischief, is unwillingly taken to Quentin's room by Amy. Once again the violin soaked music plays and once again the kids go under his influence. He has asked kids to do something for him during the opening credits. C'mon man, show your face again!

Mr B & Mrs J have a tender moment

Barnabas and Mrs Johnson are in the drawing room, mourning over Liz in their own way (the latter's preference is by gossiping about Maggie's capibility as a governess; how I've missed you Mrs Johnson, I mean it). She finds Liz's strange request for her burial odd but at least they are going through with it. I wonder if they have the coffin with a buzzer ready. Barnabas also tells her that nobody outside the family is to know about her passing and I can almost see the little spark in her eyes when she says "Oh, I won't tell anyone". At that moment, town's funeral director arrives with condolences and readiness to inhume Liz. He says someone who sounded like a man called and told him about her death. They send the man away, telling him they have their own plans for Liz and wonder who might that inside leak be?

Partners Brats in crime!

Cut to David, the almost man, and his partner in crime Amy in Quentin's room. He's angry with the kids for blowing it; since we don't see him, I can tell by the way he swings that ceiling lamb. He obviously wants to have Liz buried in a regular coffin. In other words: Bury her alive! Bastard! Later, Barnabas asks the kids if they would like a trip to Boston with Maggie to get their minds off things. They say "Woo Hoo Yeah" to his face but wonder when alone how they are gonna get out of this one cause Quentin wants them in the house all the time.

Now that Maggie is here and gonna be occupying Vicki's room, it's time for them to decide what to do with her stuff. Mrs Johnson puts her clothes in a box and Barnabas tells her to get rid off them however she wants. He even tells her to throw away Josette's music box which he gave Vicki as a gift. Wow, he loves Vicki more than Josette? Didn't see that coming! But it grabs Maggie's attention and she opens it to play the music for a while before throwing it back in the box again. Hmm, are we gonna get another Maggie-Josette thing? Especially after the recent pointless side story about her remembering all of it only to be made to forget again (Tsk tsk Julia and her hypnosis obsession).

Even fashion can be
deadly in DS

Anyways, Mrs Johnson can't bring herself to throw Vicki's stuff away just yet so she stores them in the basement along with the other family relics. Later when Maggie is in her new room getting ready to unpack, she makes a startling discovery: Vicki's clothes are back in the closet!! Barnabas and Mrs Johnson come running in and the latter prophesizes rather excitedly that "IT'S A SIGN! VICKI IS COMING BACK"

You know I was actually baffled myself but then I wrote the last two paragraphs and the mystery unfolded by itself. Meh!

*

Notes.. Notes.. Notes..

Will she survive the experience?

*It's awesome that Maggie gets to be in Collinwood all the time; at least screentime-wise, otherwise it's for certain she will be involved in major shit as if she hasn't been in enough. It won't be easy replacing Vicki obviously, as Mr Johnson has so nicely put it (At least Barnabas defended Maggie). She has her own worries as well, wondering if David will like her as much he did Vicki. Well, they seem to have a good start considering David is under a spell of somesort. Plus, Maggie used to buy him ice cream on the house back when she was a waitress (I miss the old diner set but I think they've already torn it to pieces and turned into something else. I also have a feeling that we won't be seeing much of Maggie's house anymore, now that it's been torn apart recently onscreen). The one thing I noticed about Maggie that ever since she became a governess (and it's been like a day and a half) she started to dress more refined, more elegantly. You gotta live up to the big house!

*The thing I find confusing about Vicki is, now that she's in the past it means in present time she's been dead for over a century. So, when she first came to Collinwood she was destined to be dead. Of some sorts. See, that' why they don't make time travel legal!

*Amy playing the London Bridge song on piano was a nice throwback to Sarah. However, rather than a homage it felt more like nyah nyah we're having much more fun!

*The costume department must be in love with the bright green color! Vicki's coat, Cassandra's coat, Carolyn's dress, Amy's dress. And I swear I remember Liz also having something that color. It's nice and all but the cast looks like a keylime pie after a certain time.