Barnabas is a lackey, Joe's suicidal tendencies & Other Heartwarming Stories from Collinsport

EPISODES 606-615

Barnabas is Angelique's bride now

Having snuck into Nicholas' house with the intention of eradicating Eve, Barnabas was unexpectedly welcomed by Angelique, the woman who'd sworn to destroy his life throughout centuries. Just seconds into her appearance and barely after the shocking revelation, Angelique finally sinks her teeth into his neck. Barnabas doesn't even fight and gives himself away like the manslut he is.

Angelique is happy that her love has come along- as her slave; yet here nonetheless- but Nicholas is a total buzzkill: He wants to control Angelique's hold over Barnabas concerning when and where she'll meet her newly earned prize. He's like a suffocating dad that no one wants to have but thankfully Angelique is a rebel at heart. The moment he is away, she shows us she ain't gonna be taking orders from anyone, anyone I say!!

Back at the Old House, Barnabas announces that the mission was a failure to the worried Julia and Prof Stokes. Starting here (and for the next 10 episodes) Barnabas manages to hide his condition, covers up his puncture marks (with a very manly scarf) and nobody even suspects that something is wrong with the man who's always been quite together but is acting very peculiarly now. And Julia is supposed to be a psychiatrist, pfft!

Joe's lousy suicide

Nicholas keeps raining on Angelique's parade when he discovers her feasting on Barnabas also affects Adam, so he totally forbids her from seeing Barnabas; he says instead she could play with Joe. Angelique is enraged and plans a counter parade raining: Knowing Nicholas deliberately wants her to have Joe so that he can have Maggie all to himself, Angelique summons Joe to show via the mirror mirror on the wall how his ex fiancee is fooling around with an older man (not to be judgemental but seriously, that Maggie is becoming a top class slut). On top of that, Angelique tells him that she can no longer suck his blood; it's not him, it's her; and there's someone else. So, Joe doesn't take none of this well and stabs himself in the belly with a letter opener. Angelique sorta panics but it has more to do with the fear of having blood on the carpet than actually caring for the man himself. She even tells him to "get up and leave" with that letter opener sticking out of his abdomen. Not knowing what to do, she summons Barnabas and makes him carry Joe out of the house. Barnabas is happy to oblige cause Angelique's made him her bitch!

Joe is Barnabas' "guestage"

So he takes Joe to his house and lets Julia attend to his wound and she once again portrays marvelous MD skills by cutting Joe's sweater with scissors. Barnabas makes up a lie about having found the man in the woods and Julia notices the marks on Joe's neck. She suggests they keep him here and catch the vampire when it comes for Joe; Barnabas acts like he agrees. She even comes as close to the truth as possible by suspecting Cassandra being behind this but Barnabas passes off these claims to protect his master. For the next couple of days Joe stays at the Old House in Josette's bed. Occasionally, he wakes up and threatens Barnabas (for being the other man) with feeble "I'll kill you"s that'll make Achmed the dead terrorist look like Superman.

Throw in a brunette and
you'll have Adam's Angels

Adam and Eve keep bickering like old couples, though she admits Adam is "sweet and kind". To have something to do as a couple, Adam takes his mate Eve to meet his crush Carolyn at the west wing of Collinwood. Not surprisingly, the whole thing goes horrendous. Eve acts like a complete bitch whereas Carolyn is nice and blonde. Adam learns yet another valuable lesson about this world that you don't mingle your women!

Just what he needs before the wedding:
Ex lover from another life

Meanwhile, Eve learns something else; something more shocking!! Upon spotting Jeff sitting alone in the garden, she goes up to him and says "OMG you are Peter Bradford!". Jeff initially reacts like he always reacts to this statement and that is by denying and shouting. Eve, having memory issues herself, can't remember exactly what he was  to her in the past but she is sure that Jeff is Peter. Eve leaves and Vicki arrives after making him wait at the garden for 1,5 episodes. He is visibly shaken but doesn't tell Vicki about the mysterious woman. Eve watches them from the shadows and I'm guessin' Vicki has made herself yet another enemy; and that one seems to be the worst yet. 

The flashback to the aforementioned
affair in another life

Eve rushes to Nicholas with this info and he hypnotizes her to find out more about this coincidental inter-time reincarnation drama. It turns out, Eve (as Danielle Roget) did know Peter Bradford in the 1790's (probably before he met Vicki). In fact, she even killed her lover Philippe Cordier (the one whose ghost only recently albeit briefly visited Collinsport) to be with him. Peter, as a lawyer-in-training, was torn between doing the right thing and protecting the woman he loved. Eventually, he told Danielle rather firmly that he's giving her a chance to skip town before the news of the murder comes out. Once out of the trance, Eve announces like a mad woman she is that she "loves him! LOVES HIM!" Uh-oh, Vicki..

Later, Eve visits Jeff in his apartment to make him understand what she's just found out but when she gets too pushy, Jeff kicks her out. 

Maggie's quilt skirt steals the show

Meanwhile, Adam is getting rash to leave Collinsport with his mate and nags Nicholas about it. The warlock wants to do this road trip as a couples thing obviously, for he also wants Maggie to come with them. So he goes on and proposes to her out of the blue. Maggie may be turning into a slut but she ain't heartless; she says she can't accept it because of Joe's health. But seriously, even the idea of these two as a couple is vomit inducing. I wanna slap Maggie senseless.

Sooo, Nicholas now knows about Joe's "accident" (although not about Angelique's involvement in it) and to eliminate him, he summons Harry Johnson and gives him a fancy tube of poison to replace with his medicine. Though one might ask since he is this powerful warlock and all, how come he doesn't use his magic tricks to give Joe a heart attack or something?

Ignore Harry and look at
Mrs Pantene Johnson

Anyway, so we're stuck with Harry Johnson for a couple of episodes. Ugh and you know what? I can't stand the sight of him. Normally, I don't bad-mouth actors because of the characters they play but I simply can not stand this man. Just the way he walks is enough to invoke these feelings in me, not to mention the way he definitely can NOT act. I sometimes wonder if he landed this job cause he was lovers with Louis Edmonds or something. Anyway, so he sneaks into the Old House and replaces the medicine with poison after much fuss and voice-over torture. On his way back, he finds Barnabas unconscious in the woods (a mere side effect of a midnight rendezvous with Angelique) and carries him to Collinwood, where we had our first chance to see Mrs Johnson's ravishing long hair. Once Barnabas wakes up, he tells Mrs Johnson and his brat to forget about what they've seen. Mrs Johnson of course doesn't waste time to tell about it to Julia the next day. 

Joe's revenge

Upon Angelique's order, Barnabas attempts to give Joe the medicine/poison but Julia stops him just in time. Barnabas makes up a lame excuse about confusing the medicine hours but she knows something is up, so she runs down a quick analysis of the liquid (The Old House doesn't have electricity but somehow has all the advanced medical equipments): it is poison allright!! Barnabas shakes in his boots while telling that he did not put the poison in it (and that much is true) and Julia believes him. However Joe doesn't. Still sick in bed, Joe tells Maggie about his suspicions and if anything happens to him; Barnabas is the one to blame. But Maggie thinks Joe is delirious due to trauma. So Joe decides to handle this his own way: He grabs a rope and tries to  strangle Barnabas in his sleep. Luckily for Barnabas, Mrs Johnson happens to visit the Old House just in time. She screams and hits until Joe drops the rope and runs away (Once again, Clarice Blackburn is terrific). Barnabas has had it close but he is alive. But Mrs Johnson is once again shocked by Barnabas asking to keep this ordeal hush-hush. She wants to call the police but Harry stops her, which makes her question whether her son is involved in this as well.

Later, out on a weird cemetery trip to determine whether the Collins Mausoleum is fit enough to satisfy Liz's needs as a resting place, she and Roger run into deadbeat Joe Haskell and bring him back to Collinwood. Upon seeing him, Mrs Johnson freaks out and tells her employers what Joe did. Roger calls the cops.

Sheriff observes Barnabas' oddity

Enter Sheriff Peterson after such an absence, once again portrayed by a different actor. He questions Mrs Johnson, Julia and Barnabas in this order. Joe, under custody at the hospital accused Barnabas of wanting to kill him, so Sheriff puts high emphasis on Barnabas' questioning and tries to find a loop hole in his statement. Sheriff observes Barnabas' weird reaction to the sound of dogs howling and shares this with Julia later on. Finally, a light bulb goes on in her mind when it should have happened days ago. She goes to the Old House just in time to find Barnabas in the armchair, passed out after a quickie with Angelique, his neck wounds openly visible!

*

Notes.. Notes.. Notes..

*I have to admit the whole Barnabas-Joe-Angelique thing is a bit boring. I think I miss the old, sinister Barnabas the vampire rather than Barnabas the more-than-usual hesitant lackey. Now let's see how long before Julia finds out the vampire is Angelique. Hopefully, not long.

*I enjoy watching Eve, she is such a show-stealer. Her connection to Peter/Jeff is also a great "you-didn't-see-that-coming-did-you?" addition to the story. If only her flashback scenes were done with the original  actress that played Danielle.

*Liz is a total kookoo head by now. She runs into Eve at the garden and thinks she is "the angel of death". That was a fun lil scene.

*Nicholas and Eve make a great duo: both are fierce and dominant. Nicholas slapped her at one point and she didn't really mind it. Not to give specific mental images but their sex would be one house-wrecker.. literally!